Choice

Did you know that if you read poetry really emotionally in front of a whole bunch of high schoolers, including the person you were writing about... you might get some looks in the hallways and occasionally recognition by folks who were forced by their english teachers to listen to you? It's nice and all, but I always wonder if that person realized I was writing about them... if they cared or not.

Choice

Not a chance, not for anyone, not even you

Wait a second, I have something to-

Nope, not gonna say it

It’s not worth it

And no one’s gonna give a --- Hold it!

Why does it hurt so much?

Why do I wish for your touch?

To hear your voice

And to have a choice

Stop feeling as I do

Or prove my love to you

Isn’t that what anyone else can choose?

To try to win or give up and lose?

Instead it’s like lighting a fuse

Work up the flame and watch it suffuse

Boom, my dream to ash

Did you see it crash?

Do you remember how you smashed

And cut and ripped and tore

And broke and kicked my core?

How no matter what I do

No matter what I go through

There was never a way to win

They said that slavery was sin

That it was folly to work when you cannot move past

These stigmatized labels, these chains that last

And how fast?

How quick does my heart crumble

When you cause a rumble in my chest

How deadly is this test?

And, seriously, why am I the only one taking it?

Are you done breaking it?

My heart must be damaged beyond repair

And still I care

Still I hope

That you can see beyond the scope

Of these prejudiced and hopeless thoughts

The tragic end you predict without any shots

Or a single shot

I’m asking for a single chance, not a lot

And even that much you claim you cannot afford

You’ve paid your dues in heartbreaks, your faith cannot be restored

So there’s no reward

No prize for trying

Or winning

Or dying

There was never one to begin with I suppose

And God knows, why I bothered to think I can or I could

Or why I should

I’ve never been quick to the draw

My fire is not hot enough to thaw

This ice encased broken heart you hold

Oh how cold

And unfeeling

Maybe I got close, but you sent me reeling

I had not the intention to steal

Only to feel

To hold and cherish

Will my dream perish?

Or has it died in the womb

Conceived into a tomb

Because there was never any love to nourish

Or any feelings to flourish

I am but a wishful thinker

Hook line and sinker

...Pipe dream drinker

I sip the last drop of my poison of choice

The only choice I’ve ever had, only will to ever voice